Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
