I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
