is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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