I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
