He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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