and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
