We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
