I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
