Got a toothbrush?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
