I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We're too hungover to prance.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
