I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
