Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
