Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
