i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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