I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize