Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
