Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
