after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
