I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
