i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
