Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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