and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize