Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
