i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
