how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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