DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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