the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
