3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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