Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
