This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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