I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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