I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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