To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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