i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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