I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
