i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
