Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
