New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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