....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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