am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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