im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
