just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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