i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
