But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He better not be in your backpack
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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