We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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