Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
