If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
