if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
