i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize