I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
