Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize