I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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