new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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