just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
