don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
