this boner is exhausting
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
