either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
