i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we're making bets on your personal life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize