Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
