Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
