peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
