The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
