i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
