Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
