Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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