oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
