Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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