shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
