There was a lot of him and a little penis
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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