Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
