So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
